Thursday, April 28, 2005
  Reading is FUNdamental

If I am extrapolating this data correctly you need to have gotten through the third grade in a least seven years to successfully comprehend the content of this blog. Although if I keep using words like "extrapolating" you are going to have to improve your cognitive function. See what some fancy four syllable words can do for your Gunning-Fox Index score.

found via Expresso Sarcasm.

I can't wait to try this out on Sarcasmo's blog!

>Here on the stats for Wednesdays Off


Readability Results Summary Value
Total sentences 304
Total words 2,721
Average words per Sentence 8.95
Words with 1 Syllable 2,036
Words with 2 Syllables 462
Words with 3 Syllables 180
Words with 4 or more Syllables 43
Percentage of word with three or more syllables 8.20%
Average Syllables per Word 1.35
Gunning Fog Index 6.86
Flesch Reading Ease 83.58
Flesch-Kincaid Grade 3.82


Sunday, April 24, 2005
  Charming 3 Bdr stn brk twin. No belfry

The other day while web surfing I came across a site advertising Bat houses. Like a hummingbird ora ladybug house, you hang it in your garden and hope a bat comes to reside in it. The bat pays the rent by ridding your property of other pests. Wish I had known.
Years ago, I think about 17 give or take one, Sarcasdad, Sacasmo Jr., and Yours Truly were in the living room watching the Olympics on television. I kept hearing this really faint noise but no one else seemed to hear it so I didn't react. It sounded like wings flapping, and seemed to be coming from upstairs. Finally curiosity won out and I got up to look. I went up the steps, expecting to find something near an open window moving in the breeze. We had once had a bird trapped in the house and I thought at worst it would be that. What I saw----was a bat. A bat just flying up and down the hallway. My first glimpse was of it flying away from me so I waited for it to come back the other way so I could see that I was wrong. But no. It was a bat. So I went back down the stairs and announced without any preamble"THERE'S A HUGE BAT UPSTAIRS"
Now mind you, no one else had even acknowledged the flapping sound so you can imagine the response. None at all from Sarcasmo Jr. , and Sarcasdad just kind of looked at me and then went back to the Olympics I repeated my claim and Sarcasdad got up to investigate. "It's probably another bird" he said. He went up and honestly in those brief seconds I thought that he would get upstairs and there would be no bat. But he came down as quickly as I had. "It's a bat" he affirmed.
Before you go picturing a big barn of a house out in the country, we live in a 2 story brick and stone twin home in Philadelphia Pennsylvania. Population 1522900 [estimated population 2002}.. It's not that we don't have wildlife. We have squirrels and pigeons. A woodpecker that returns every spring to wake us at the crack of dawn and The occasional rabbit or turtle. Once we even had an opossum take up residence on our front porch for 3 days.We have churches and they have bells but whether they actually have belfries is something I hadn't considered. Heretofore my experience with bats was limited to the Philadelphia Zoo where they're behind glass. And , of course, vampire stories.
Sarcasmo Jr. procured a tennis racket(her sister's, not hers) from somewhere and gave it to Sarcasdad. He headed back up the stairs. Jr. and I followed closely behind to provide back-up. Well really, we were more afraid of being left behind "unarmed'.And when I say close I mean we were a Sarcas-sandwich with me in the midldle. If Sarcasdad took a step with his left foot so did we. In perfect synchronization. We waited for the bat to fly into the Master bedroom at one end of the hall and Sarcasdad shut the door. Euphoria at having trapped the bat was short lived as we realized we still needed to get it out of the house. Slowly we opened the bedroom door and stepped inside. Jr. and I were immediately struck by the same silly thought. At that time one wall of the room contained shelves that dsplayed part of my massive collection of stuffed and ceramic mice. We had a mental picture of the bat hiding among them , ala ET, which mad us giggle. Then Sarcasdad spied the bat, perched on top of the curtain rod and ingeniously hidden among the folds made by the curtains' pleats. He did the only thing he could do with 2 nervous females clinging to him. He swung the racket, bringing the bat down in one fell swoop. We all felt bad, but it was us or the bat.
Since Sarcasdad had done the deed I got a dustpan and scooped up the bat. He was so tiny, not more than 3 inches long. When I first saw it in the hallway I was sure it had a 6 foot wing span. I carried the dustpan out to the backyard at arms length.
Later that evening, we were sitting on the sofa, still wqtching th Olympics when Sarcas-sis returned home. "Hey, what's my tennis racket doing in the living room?' she demanded of her sister. Sarcasmo Jr. shot her an exasperated look and replied" Dad used it to kill the bat"
As if there could be any other explanation.


Thursday, April 21, 2005
  It's All Greek to Me



Your Linguistic Profile:



45% General American English

35% Yankee

20% Dixie

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern



What Kind of American English Do You Speak?


found via Small.to




Tuesday, April 19, 2005
  Thank You Fairy Blog Mother

In case you don't know it today is "Thank Your Fairy Blog Mother Day" I didn't know it either until I saw it on Petroville. Even if it's not a true Hallmark Card holiday it should be. So, Thank You Sarcasmo, for setting such a shinning example. And for holding my hand, and answering all the silly questions and the frantic emails. I also want to send a shout out to Sarcas-sis (aka Silly Mommy) and Sarcasmo Jr. and Sarcas-bro for helping to shove me headlong into the fray. Together the four of them found the one avenue to a blog of my own I couldn't say no to. They made it a Mothers' Day present!


  Meme time

I saw this on Sarcasmo's site and had to join in.

How the meme works: Copy this list, leave in the bands you've seen perform live. Delete the ones you haven't and add other ones you've seen until they total to 25. The asterisk means that these are bands that the previous person had on his/her list. Two asteriks mean the last 2 people that did this had this band on their list, etc..

1. Rod Stewart
2. Richard Marx
3. The Four Seasons
4. The Who
5. Elton John
6. THe Black Crowes
7. The Blues Magoos
8. Warren Zevon
9. David Bowie *
10. Wilson Phillips
11. Bon Jovi
12. The Carpenters
13. Tommy James (before he had Shondells)
14. Paul Revre and the Raiders
15. ZZ Top*
16. George Thorogood and the Delaware Destroyers*
17..Michael Bolton
18. Blues Traveler
19 Soul Asylum
20 Screaming Trees
21. The Hooters*
22. Herman's Hermits *
23. Tom Jones
24. The Guess Who
25. Tommy Conwell and the Young Rumblers

Your turn.


  What "family Guy" Character are You?


Which Family Guy character are you?

I swear I checked the box that said "female"
(found on Beth's Page )


  FREE ICE CREAM !!!!!!!!!

Now that I have you attention---- if you live near a Ben & Jerry's Scoop Shop you can score a free ice cream cone today. Visit their website to find a location near you.


Sunday, April 17, 2005
  Take Me Out to the Ballgame!

Yesterday Sarcasdad & I spent a very pleasant afternoon at the ballpark. It was the nicest day so far this spring, the home team won and I got to leave work an hour early to make the 4 o'clock start time. What more can you ask? Everyone seemed to be in good spirits, enhanced I am sure by the beer, Two guys seated on the other side of Sarcasdad engaged him in some baseball related chatter which is good, because my grasp of the sport(or any sport) is somewhat limited. Really I think most of their conversation was "color analysis" on fans' attempts to catch foul balls. There were plenty of them too. After one mad scramble to retrieve a ball that fell beneath the seats, a woman emerged victorious, waving her prize over her head. One of our new acquaintances said "Aw, a lady got it!" A woman behind us said "That's because we know how to keep our eye on the ball!" I also saw my first "foul bat". A player from the Braves was up to bat in a stressful last inning attempt to score and stay in the game. He connected to a pitch. The ball didn't go far, but the bat flew from his hands and went sideways end over end down the third baseline before it veered off in to the stands. Medics were dispersed. Ouch!
We don't normally eat at the ballpark, but as this game was going through the dinner hour we decided to give the cuisine a try. There are several well known restaurants located right in the ballpark, but you have to leave your seat and eat inside. The logic of that escapes me. There are also lots of food concession stands behind the seating area. Our tickets,ones Sarcasdad has access to from time to time, are in an area know as the Diamond Club. It has a few extra amenities, one of them being attendants to take your food order and deliver it to your seat. Let me tell you, seats 14 rows behind home plate on a lovely spring afternoon, priceless. Two cheesesteaks, 2 fries, and 2 sodas $34, not including tip!!!. And yes they take credit cards. Here is a heads up to potential tourists.. If you come to visit Philadelphia you should definitely take in a game at "The Bank". What you should not do is look at the food menu , see the cheesesteak and decide to cross that item off your "to do" list as well. This is NOT a Philadelphia cheesesteak at it's finest. The roll is all wrong. There is a Geno's located in the park. Go there if yu must. Or wait and get a cheesesteak at the original Geno's or Pat's on ninth street near the Italian Market or get one at any of thousands of local pizzerias and steak shops. Any one of them would be better, and cheaper. But who goes to the ballpark for the food? Other than kids. Last season in the row in front of us a guy came and he always had 2 or three young children with him. The kids ate from the opening pitch to the end of the ninth. Ice cream, cotton candy, peanuts , hot dogs, sodas. At one game we watched a chocolate ice cream cone drip down a white baseball jersey.( a bad idea right from the start). The guy tried to wipe it off with a napkin and water which just made it worse, resulting in his buying a clean jersey to replace the wet, chocolate stained one the kid had on. He also had a bag which I assume had the soiled jersey in it. Yeah, like that's gonna come out. Someone else was in those seats yesterday. The guy probably had to choose between feeding those kids at the games and their college educations.
THe Philly Fanatic entertained us, at one point shooing hot dogs into the crowd from an air gun mounted on the back of a motorized cart . A couple got engaged on Fanavision and at the 7th inning stretch we stood and sang "Take Me Out to THe Ballgame.
The game was exciting to the end. The Phils were up by 1 in the top of the ninth. The count is 2 and 2. The Braves have runners on second and third Billy Wagner pitches to Brian Jordan who drives the ball with a solid hit.. The crowd which had been shouting and clapping fell silent as the ball sailed out towards center field. They collectively held their breath as they watched Chase Utley dive to his right and come up with the ball. A roar erupts and the Phils win 2-1.


Thursday, April 14, 2005
  Do-overs

It's the day before the last day to file your income tax return. We aren't sweating the deadline but many people are, and tax preparers are targeting them mercilessly. One such concern, H&R Block is running a commercial that refers to the childhood custom of a "Do-over" As H&R Block claims to have 10.000 offices nationwide I think it's pretty safe to say that a Do-over is something the ad agency felt would strike a cord with adult tax payers everywhere. Yet whenever we see the commercial, Sarcas-dad insists that he never ever even heard of "Do-over". Although Sarcas-dad and I did not meet until high school we grew up about 6 blocks from each other and we are a year apart in age. While those six blocks put us in separate schools, and therefore separate social groups until high school I don't think geography plays a part in this. When I heard the commercial the first time it bought an instant image of playing hopscotch on the schoolyard. Sometimes your friends would grant you a Do-over for a bad toss. Granted, I doubt Sarcas-dad played much hopscotch in his day (at least not that he will admit to), but I remember that Do -overs were applied to board games and jump rope and getting strikes in neighborhood ball games. So how about it? Do you remember the "Do-over" ? Do you still invoke it? Do you wish you still could?


Wednesday, April 06, 2005
  Words & Numbers

Sarcas-dad gets the nod for finding this site. He pointed me to Wordcount which ranks, by usage 86,800 words in the English language. Guess what the most used word is? THE", of course. Guess what the least used word is. If you guessed "CONQUISTADOR" you are either very astute about the English language, or you peeked. You can search the database by word or by ranking. You can also click on Querycount which tracks how we use Wordcount.(not necessarily work or child safe)
When you get tired of playing with that you should click on the link to Number 27. Check out 10x10, a pictorial essay on world events,updated on the hour. Take a look at Understanding VORN. I am still exploringOralfixation Mints. And there is plenty more to peruse. (word 52163)


Monday, April 04, 2005
  Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?

As I sit at my computer the time in the lower right hand corner reads 8:33 pm. The computer is in the *dinning room. Several feet from here, in the kitchen, it is either 8:39 or 8:40 depending on whether you are looking at the coffeemaker, the stove or the under the counter radio/CD player. Of course, if you are going by the microwavre it is 7:39. My cell phone which is portable and therefore can be found anywhere agrees with the computer. I am afraid to go up to the second floor because I am pretty sure we only set the alarm clock/radio/telephone in our bedroom to Daylight Savings Time, and for good measure I think we keep it 10 minutes fast.The grandfather clock in the living room is in alignment with the computer and the cell phone but the clock on the mantle reads three minutes later.as does Sarcasdad's watch which currently rests on the breakfast room table.
All of this leads me to several questions:

Is there a time warp in my house?
Does anybody really know what time it is?
Does anybody really care?
Why do 2 people need so many clocks?

When my children were teenagers we had a curfew. The first time Sarcasmo was late she argued, successfully, that we were keeping time by different time pieces. By her watch, she wasn't late. In order to be clear we all agreed that the time on the VCR was the correct time, and would from then on be the standard on which lateness would be judged.. It was not unusual to hear someone in our household say 'What time is it, VCR time?"**
Eventually, I will call the telephone time lady and set all the clocks to be the same. (Except the one in the bedroom). In the meantime I find it rather convenient to pick the time I want it to be. This morning for instance I was in the kitchen and looked at the clock and thought" 8:20, I better get a move on". But then I went back to the dinning room and realized I still had time to blog.

* We call it the dinning room , but in fact it contains the computer, a roll-top desk, and a piano. Nothing to dine on, or with. No dinning actually takes place here.

** THat VCR is long gone and the oneI we have now doesn't display the current time. Neither does the DVD player.


Saturday, April 02, 2005
  Luke I YAM Your Father

I always knew that spud had a dark side!


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