Friday, February 24, 2006
  Oh Pooh!

So, two women and a toddler go into a Home Depot. And you now how the rest of that goes. Actually, it went pretty smoothly. Sarcas-sis had a list of items needed to make some home repairs. With a little assistance from the men in the orange aprons she checked it off. An electric socket, a box to mount it, some nuts and some bolts. The last thing on the list was drywall. She was told to get half a sheet because she only needed a small piece. Turns out Home Depot only sells it in whole sheets. No big deal. She took a whole sheet, with the assistance of some contractors who branded themselves as gentlemen and loaded on a cart for her. We considered whether or not it would fit in the minivan, decided it would, and then proceeded to checkout.

Cut to the parking lot. Toddler in car seat, bags safely stowed. Open the back door of the van and discover, that there is no way this piece of drywall is getting through that opening. This shouldn't have come as a surprise because we are two women who cannot determine the correct size of Pyrex bowl to put the leftovers in. We either pick one too small or one too big. Our only option is to tie the drywall on top of the car.* We heft it up, avail ourselves of the free string and Sarcas-sis secured it with an amazing display of knot tying. Meanwhile you have to picture the Cutie Pattotie in the car seat grabbing gleefully for the string everytime it passed through the inside of the car. We get in and assume the position. You know, one hand out the window on each side to keep the board from becoming airborne.
Luckily it is a short ride from the Home Depot to the house. Unluckily we had to drive slower than usual and it was fridgidly cold. When Sarcas-sis stopped at a red light I pulled my hand in to put on a glove I had in my pocket. I was about to offer her the other one, but she had already come up with a better solution. Spying her son's Winnie the Pooh hand puppet she covered her left hand with it and held on to the board the rest of the way home. Too bad it was dark out. I bet that would have gotten a few second looks.

*Half way home Sarcas-sis realized that we could have broken the board in half in the parking lot and gotten it in the car. But like I said, we ere half way home. She said that's the story of her life. Good ideas 5 minutes too late!

Tuesday, February 21, 2006
  Virtual Colorforms *

A man in Hoboken New Jersey has found a way to sleep an extra 5 minutes in the morning. He has turned the daily chore of deciding what to wear over to us, the internet fashion police. You can help Kevin decide what to wear to work, or for a night on the town. Click here to go through his closet and vote on today's ensemble.

*for those of you too young to remember colorforms, they were sets of flimsy plastic figures that came with a board they would cling too, much like those removable window decorations you can get today. You could dress them and make different scenes. They were hours of fun in the pre-home video game era.

Monday, February 20, 2006
  The Virtual Envelope Please !

She's witty, sarcastic, she's pleonastic fantastic. She is also in the spotlight as the featured blogger at Philly Future. Her blog, Sarcasmo's Corner bested two worthy opponents to win the honor. Did I mention she's my daughter? And like any good offspring who is accepting kudos, she mentioned her Mom !

Congratulations Sarcasmo !

Sunday, February 19, 2006
  A Dream is A Wish Your Heart Makes

This is a dream that I had last night. I can relate most of the pieces of it back to little things that happened lately. Even still I am amazed at how these little disjointed events were strung into a story by my subconscious. Here it is:

I answered a ringing telephone. "Hello. Wolfgang Puck here" said the voice on the other end with his very distinctive accent." There has been a power failure and I need someone to come and pick up my perishables and take them to be refrigerated. Who am I talking to? " he asked ""Is this Sarcasmom?" I acknowledged that is was indeed me and Wolfgang said" Well, it's not much. Just some hamburger buns and risotto."

I went to tell my boss. She was sitting at a table in a small dining room along with some other women. I told her about the phone call. I was very excited that Wolfgang Puck knew who I was. She smiled somewhat benignly and indicated that I should go.

Now I am walking downhill on a huge expanse of sand. I mean huge, like the desert planet in one of the Star Wars Movies. Except this seems to be a beach. There are people playing in the distance and I can see the ocean very far away. I am walking towards the water, and presumably Wolfgang's kitchen when I turn to my companion, and tell her about a conversation I had recently about people with unusual names. "but you know all about that " I said, touching her on the arm. "Don't you Madonna?"

I have heard it said that your dreams are a "window to your soul". Judging by this, one could surmise that I spend a lot of time reading gossip magazines. That is not the case. I could care less about celebrity gossip. Of course , the rag mags are on display at work so maybe my subconscious is reading them !

( the power failure is a reference to Uisce's blog; I heard a snippet of an interview with Wolfgang Puck the other day; I saw Madonna on the Grammy's and heard about her recent surgery; the conversation about unusual first names I actually had about 6 years ago, but not with Madonna)

Saturday, February 18, 2006
  Beam Me Up!

table border='0' cellpadding='5' cellspacing='0' width='600'> You scored as Moya (from Farscape). You are surrounded by muppets. But that is okay because they are your friends and have shown many times that they can be trusted. Now if only you could stop being bothered about wormholes.

Coming on December 1, 2005:

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? The Sequel

Moya (from Farscape)


SG-1 (from Stargate)


Millennium Falcon (from Star Wars)


Nebuchadnezzar (from The Matrix)


Serenity (from Firefly)


Galactica (from Battlestar: Galactica)


Enterprise D (from Star Trek)


Bebop (from Cowboy Bebop)


Which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? v1.0
created with

Thanks to Peaches for the link.

Friday, February 17, 2006
  And All The Men and Women Merely Players

If you live in a Powerball participating state you know that the jackpot has reached a record $365 million dollars. If you don't, then get in your car and drive, drive, drive! Didn't you hear me? The freakin' Powerball is $365 million!. Oops, sorry. I got a little caught up in the frenzy there. It's not hard to do, especially since we sell lottery tickets where I work. With the jackpot this high we sell them almost to the exclusion of doing anything else.

They will be all lined up bright and early and probably all day and night. The little old ladies who had over a dollar and ask for "The Big One". The systematic bettors who have carefully analyzed all kinds of data and determined specific numbers to play. The Moms who play their kids birthdays, and everyone else who drops five or ten dollars on random machine generated numbers.

To win the big prize you have to match the 5 numbers drawn from 1 to 55, plus the Powerball number which can be from 1 to 42. Sounds easy enough. But consider that millions of tickets were sold for Wednesday's drawing and not one of them had all 6 numbers. What are the odds? Currently, 1 in 146,107,962.00.

Still, somebody (or somebodies) has to win sometime. Since it's enough to share we have a pool at work. We were putting in $2 a piece up til now but we upped it to $5 for this drawing. The very same people whom I have to beg and shame into putting a dollar a week into our Sunshine fund are chasing me down to get their name on the envelope holding the tickets. A group win would be wonderful. Or maybe not. People are already raising issues. What would we do if someone contributed to every drawing but not to the winning one? Would we include them? Does it make a difference if we like them or not? What if they were kept from throwing their $5 into the pot by catastrophic circumstance? Who decides? Hopefully not lawyers and judges

Rest assured that if when I win I will still be the same Sarcasmom, still blogging away. Except that I will be doing it from my home on a beach on my private island.

What about you? Are you playing? What will you do with your winnings? Are you in a pool? Would your group remain intact if you were to win the jackpot?

*update- South Carolina, a Powerball state, reported that ticket sales hit a record of eleven thousand dollars a minute yesterday!

Thursday, February 16, 2006
  I Know You Are, But What Am I?

Want to know how others see you? Set up your own Johari window. Here's mine. As seen at Sarcasmo's Corner and Small.To.

Sunday, February 12, 2006
  My Mama Done Told Me

At the end of a previous post I left you with this question from the Story of a Lifetime.

"What are the most important things you learned from your mother?"

I promised I would ponder that, and I did indeed mull it over. I read the comments left on my blog, from people who's mothers taught them to be kind, treat others nicely, and always wear lipstick, and I thought that that didn't quite sum it up for me. For days, all I could come up with was she taught me to make a mean potato salad. Such a simple question, and such a complicated answer. No wonder people go into therapy.

My musing led me to discover that I am not very much like my Mother at all. At least I don't think I am. I had a hard time coming up with things I learned from her. I do think I got her 'don't make mountains out of molehills " approach to life. Which is why I have no patience for people who over dramatize their lives. I know she was the source of my love of reading and my obsession with crossword puzzles.

She was crafty. She made most of my clothing until I was in high school, including hats and coats. She knitted and crocheted the most beautiful afghans and toys. Some patterns she created on her own. A friend's husband came up with a plan to turn her into a cottage industry. He proposed that we set up home parties like Tupperware does, and sell her creations. I had to rein him in by reminding him that I only had one mother, not a factory full of them and that would severely limit our production capabilities. This was something she wanted me to learn, but despite her patient efforts it never took. I think it skipped a generation.

She was loving, but not affectionate. She believed that life was hard, because a lot of hers had been, and that you had to learn to deal with it. When I was about 6, and being picked on by the neighborhood bully, she told me that I had to learn to fight my own battles and not come running to her. She drove the point home by locking the door in my face when I tried to run inside because he was chasing me with a stick. Okay, she was right . He quickly lost interest when he realized he had caught up to me, and he didn't poke my eye out as he had threatened.

When I was 13 and going into junior high school she told me to "stick to my own kind". By that she meant the non-Jewish kids. Which at this particular school would have limited my choice of friends to about 4 other people. As it turned out some of my best friends were Jewish (really). My friend "J"'s mother told me to try and "look Jewish" when my "J"'s grandfather was around , as he would not understand her having a gentile friend. I wonder if he knew my mother.

  Thanks for Noticing

Marki had a personality test on her site that appealed to me. I don't usually take part in online quizzes but I was intrigued by the fact that this one not only tells you who else fits into the same categories as you, it tells you what fictional characters it applies to as well. I had to see how that all panned out. Marki's fictional match up was Dr. Susan Lewis from the show E.R.. Mine? Eeyore.
I kind of pictured myself more as Owl, but okay.

Friday, February 10, 2006
  Eye of the Tiger

If you are still trying yo get your fifteen minutes of fame then to paraphrase Jed Clampett " Philadelphia is the place you oughta be" this weekend.

The latest, and purportedly the last Rocky movie is wrapping up production. Producers are filming people running up the steps of the Art Museum just like Sylvester Stallone did in the first film. About 100 hopefuls will make the final cut and be forever immortalized pumping their fists in the air as the credits roll at the end of the new flick.

One place I will be avoiding this weekend is the Franklin Mills Mall. A call has gone out for families with problematic children to audition for the Television show Supernanny. Just imagine the Grand Court at the Mall crammed with people who's kids are out of control. I have never seen the show, and as with many of these self improvement reality shows, I am confounded by the mindset of people who are willing to broadcast their failings as parents or housekeepers or whatever to an international audience. I was thinking of having flyers made up to hand out to some of my customers at the Mega store where I work in Backwards Bourough. I need some for the parents whose kids scream their heads off the entire time they are in the store. Not cry, mind you. Scream. Because it sounds cool when it echos and reverberates through the entire building.I have to take my hat off to the organizational skills of this particular group. As there always seems to be one of these screaming banshhees in the store at any given time it is obviously scheduled in advance. I need some for the parents who let their children run through the store totally unsupervised, knocking down displays, and little old ladies who get in their way. The other day we found a pre-schooler sitting alone on the floor in the cereal aisle munching away on Cheerios from a box he had clawed open. His father apparently thought breakfast was included. I'll have to send some home with the kids who's parents think we run a daycare. Their kids come by after school and haunt the asiles til mom or Dad picks them up. I can't forget the parents who give their kids anything they demand while they are shopping because it's easier than saying "no", only to rip it out of their little fists at the checkout and blame the nasty cashier. And last, but not least , for that one particular parent who thinks we all love his precocious little darling. We don't . She's a brat. Ah, Jo Frost. The parents of Backwards Borough need you !

Tuesday, February 07, 2006
  My Word Cloud

Originally uploaded by foster photos.

Here it is. I kind of like it. I'm thinking about getting the shirt.

Get yours here.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006
  This That and The Other Thing

Sorry. I know I have been a bad, bad blogger. I haven't posted in more than a week! It's not like I am recovering from the Blog Olympics as I was only a spectator. It's not lack of desire to blog. Just lack of time. Lots of stuff going on, and as all of it's good I have no complaints, just no spare time. I've had a couple of ideas knocking around my head, but not even the time to flesh them out from idea to post .So I thought I would just do a little ranting and a little rambling here today with a few free minutes.

This I am curious to know. Do those of you who live elsewhere have to put up with people shoving buckets in your face and begging for money at major intersections? First of all, I can't believe it's legal. People weaving in and out of lanes of traffic idling at red lights. That can't be safe. And not always adults either. I have seen playground sports teams out on weekends. Sure there are adults present but the kids are running off the sidewalk and up to drivers who are poised to hit the gas pedal. This wasn't a practice when my kids were little. Even if it had been, I would never have allowed them to participate. What happened to car washes and bake sales? Sarcasmo Jr. told me she did this once with her college sorority and it was a terrible experience. Sunday I was driving home from the gym. The intersection where the gym is situated has been deemed " one of the most accident-prone intersections in the country". That didn't deter several rather questionable looking men with white buckets embossed with black magic marker printing declaring them to be from the New Life Church of God, from striding right up to the car and holding the bucket up to the window. It's like being held up at every red light. Of course I say no. But it's still annoying.

That being said, I was catching up with Practigal the other day and she wrote about her reasons for blogging. She mentioned a sense of community. I feel that too. I do think also that my penchant for the blog is a search for intelligent life forms. My family of course , is full of intelligent people. But like most people we spend a good portion of our days away from each other. We are at work, at the gym and running errands. Some of our together time turns out to be napping on the couch time. If you have read any of the posts I wrote about Backwards Borough, where I work, you are aware that I spend an inordinate amount of time astounded by the things people will do and say. Here are just a few actual comments people have made to me in the last week or so.

"I read that note you posted. What does it say?" (from a co-worker)

"You don't have any 2 cent stamps? Well do you know where I can get any?"( I work in a Supermarket. Not the Post Office)

The next one was over the phone:

" I can't read the expiration date on this package. Can you tell me what it says? (let me fire up my x-ray vision)

So you can see why it is reassuring to know that you people who can think before you blog are out there. And I can find you whenever I want. Even at 2 in the morning if need be.

The other thing is that since this post is just strung together of odds and ends I thought I would throw in a question from "The Story of A Lifetime"

"What are the most important things you learned from your mother?" I shall ponder that as well.

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