Wednesday, October 29, 2008
  Sarchasm:

This came to my inbox from a good friend I worked with at the Borough. You remember the Borough, right? The ones I really liked I highlighted in red. Let me know if you have any favorites.

Mensa InvitationalIn case you missed it: Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.The winners are:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5.Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7.. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get i t.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
12.Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes, and it's a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.):The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.(see this)
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

TheWashington Post has a lso published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.And the winners are:

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. abdicate, v to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7.. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon, n. a Rastafari an proctologist. (GOTTA LOVE IT!)
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.


Wednesday, October 22, 2008
  Let's Go Phillies

If you know me at all, you are well aware that I really don't follow sports. I can , however, jump on a bandwagon just as well as the next guy. So I will root, root root for the home team in the World Series.
Sarcasmo Jr. recalled going with Sarcasdad to see the Phillies in the World Series in 1993, Now that she lives in another state, she will have to seek out fellow fans to cheer with. Of course, here in Philly, everyone is a fan. Even me. And that's the fun of it. For the duration of the Series, most of the million plus people in this city will have a common ground. We will have a topic of conversation common to all. We will celebrate the wins and , should they lose one, we will booster each other with all those sports cliches. "We'll get 'em next time". "The ump is blind". You know, stuff like that.
And for a few hours on anywhere from 4 to 7 nights we can forget about the election. Especially if we make kitchen and bathroom runs during the commercials.
If you know me at all, you are well aware that I really wanted to show off the incredibly cute picture of the CP.


Wednesday, October 15, 2008
  The Art of Barter

When the CP comes over , Sarcasdad and I are able to drop everything and give him our undivided attention. Such is the prerogative of Grandparents. And it is grand. When he leaves he likes to take something home with him. Usually by then he is tired, and as long as his parents don't object we let him take the item he is fixated on. Most often a toy but sometimes a cup of chocolate milk or some cookies for a snack.
Last night the CP and I were ouside playing when we got the fifteen minute warning. He looked up at me and said "Can I take my basketball home? I'll trade you my Spiderman Ball."
This was new. A trade. Give something to get something. And it was a pretty good offer. The basketball was brand new, and CP sized. We had had a lot of fun playing with it during the evening. The Spiderman ball however, was major. First of all, it's Spiderman. Spidey is a Superhero and the CP is all about Superheroes. And the Spiderman ball was the very first thing he told me about when I made it home for dinner. Clearly this ball is special.
I agreed to the trade, telling the CP how awesome I think the Spiderman ball is. We went out back to retrieve the basketball from the deck here we had left it. I asked him if he was sure about the trade. He didn't speak, just nodded yes. I asked if he wanted to take both balls home. Again no words, just a shake of the head to indicate no. Obviously, a deal is a deal.


Sunday, October 12, 2008
  Blog Honest

We went to a wedding a week or so ago. It gave me a chance to touch base with some people I had worked with at Backwards Borough. You remember The Borough, right? Do you remember Lucy as well? I have blogged about Lucy now and again. I don't know if I ever asked her if it was okay to do so, but I know she reads this blog and so far she hasn't asked me to stop. And yes, she knows she is Lucy. Lucy brought her husband, here fore to be known as Desi, to the wedding. I didn't know that Desi read the blog. Apparently he has at least read the posts about Lucy. Not only does he not object to my putting his wife out there on the internet, he came to the wedding armed with blog fodder for future posts. He asked if I wanted some "Lucy" stories, refering to his wife, my friend, by her blognomer. It was kind of weird to be talking about it in public. Because for the most part, my blog self and my go out in public self don't really coincide. Know what I mean?
I mentioned the other day that I had been transferred to a new location at work. Doing so brought me back into contact with people I have worked with in the past. One woman, who I was happy to meet up with again, mentioned in the course of a conversation that she reads my blog. It really took me by surprise. My immediate thought was "uh-oh" and I did a mental blog check to see if I had ever posted anything that may have referred to her . I don't think so. And I can't imagine if I ever did that it would be anything negative. Still, it was a bit of an eye-opener. Would that have been your reaction?
Another friend with whom I have been reunited, and who I know reads this blog, asked me if I knew the people who leave comments. " For instance" she asked, " Vis Major"? Vis and I have a non-blog based relationship as well so I answered in the affirmative. But how do we bloggers answer that question? How do you answer it? Do you feel that you "know" someone you have never met, but who reads what you post, and sometimes, responds? If, in conversation with a non-blogger, when referring to a fellow blogger, do you explain it that way or do you refer to a them as a friend? Or as someone I know? And do you do so because it is just easier? Because that would be a whole other discussion and you want to get on with the one you are having? Or because you don't want to tell the non blogger that you are a blogger? Or is that just me?
Hmmmm. A bit of a boggle , isn't it? I post something on the internet, where people can find it, and then find it surprising that they do. I am not entirely upfront about my blog with everyone, but am shocked to learn that someone has been lurking around and not ever leaving a comment.
Why do I blog? The simplest explanation is that there is stuff in my head and this is how I get it out. I like the written word better than the spoken one. I find it easier to explain myself when writing, although you can't tell that from this post.
Why do you blog? If you aren't a blogger, why do you read this one and do you read any other ones?
How blog honest are you?


Wednesday, October 08, 2008
  Hodgpodginess

Life has been a bit crazy lately. The supermarket where I am employed has decided to under go a name change, which involves a whole store makeover, the hiring and training of a whole big bunch of new people all at the same time, and general chaos and mayhem. So I went through it all at one location and then was immediately transferred to another location which, you guessed it, was just starting the whole process. So that's where I am now. Back to long work days, everyday. Hopefully for the last time. I swear if I see that Human Resources guy heading towards me with that look on his face again, I may Go Grocery. I may not, but you know, I'm just sayin.
So how is the new place? Well, as the stores convert from one name to another, they get a new district manager. At my new store, The Mills, he mentioned that I look so much better here than I did at the old store. He said he can see the difference in my face. There are those who have suggested that I got a raw deal. Maybe. But maybe I got the better end of the deal. We will have to wait and see.
The whole job thing was seriously cutting into my CP time. So I was very exited to be able to spend a good part of Sunday with him. We went to a place called Giggleberry Fair. it's an upscale Chuck E. Cheese. They have a full size merry-go-round in the building which we rode twice. And , which the CP insisted on calling a calliope. I was so impressed he knew that word, that I did not correct him. We spent the majority of our day in what they call Giggleberry Mountain. It is a space about three stories high, divided into 4 levels of climbing areas and slides. Add to that, various contraptions around the room that suck in and spit out nerf balls. And a big overhead bin that suck up the nerf balls fed into it and then when full, spills out onto the floor below, and the people on it. This is preceded by a warning siren. Did I mention the blaster guns on the second level that you can stoke with nerf balls and then fire them at unsuspecting targets? What a hoot. Although, I landed kinda hard off those slides a few times.
On Friday I am going to a comedy show, organized by a friend, who will perform. If you are in the Philly area, it should be a fun hour. And I hear the coffee is good.
Last weekend we had a "burn the mortgage party ' combined with a "come see our Italy pictures" party. Sarcasmo Jr. came home for the weekend and we had a lot of fun. After everyone left we remembered that we hadn't actually set fire to the document, or the copy there of.
So that, in a blogged nutshell is where I am at the moment. Where are you?


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